


Had to Be

by dsa_archivist



Category: due South
Genre: M/M, Romance, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-04-30
Updated: 2005-04-30
Packaged: 2018-11-10 12:43:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11127222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dsa_archivist/pseuds/dsa_archivist
Summary: While Ray is sick, he and Dief have a heart to heart.





	Had to Be

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Speranza, the archivist: this story was once archived at [Due South Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Due_South_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Due South Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/duesoutharchive).

Had to Be

## Had to Be

  
by tx_tart  


Disclaimer: The characters belong to the usual suspects. This is just for fun.

* * *

It was a dream. It had to be.  
  
Because that was Fraser's hand on his face. It couldn't be anyone else's. Fraser was the only one Ray let close enough to do something like that. And it was something Ray thought he could get used to. Callused skin. Rough, but cool against his forehead. It had been a long time since he was touched like that. Since he was touched at all. Yeah, really nice.   
  
"Ray?"  
  
Ray opened his eyes and squinted at the sunlight that sliced like knives into his eyes. "Fraser?" His voice came out all scratchy and Jesus, his throat wasn't this sore when he woke up. Ray started to sit up and it felt like every muscle in his body had gone on strike. A bunch of things were throbbing and aching and not the good parts, either. His head, his shoulders, his back, even his teeth. Something was wrong and he groaned out loud.  
  
"Ray, I think you'd better stay put."  
  
Ray winced and slowly, pulled himself to a sitting position, still feeling sort of confused. He was on his sofa, dressed for work and Fraser and Dief were there beside him. He looked at his partner through the slits of his eyes. He was down almost at eyelevel. "Stay put? What are you doing here? What time is it?"  
  
All the talking made Ray start to cough, and when he was done, he lay down again, his eyes closed against the harsh light and the pounding headache he just realized he had.  
  
"It's nearly half past eight. When you didn't arrive at the Consulate on time, Dief and I began to worry."  
  
Vaguely, Ray remembered waking up feeling like shit and laying down on the sofa after he was dressed, to see if he could shake it off. "I must have fallen asleep again. I'm sorry, Fraser. Just give me a minute."  
  
"Ray, you need to stay right where you are. I believe you have the flu."  
  
"Like hell. It's just a cold."  
  
"A temperature of over 100 degrees is not symptomatic of a common cold."  
  
"Is that a fact, Dr. Fraser?"  
  
"It is. And I'm certain that your temperature is at least 102.5. But it wouldn't hurt to confirm that. Where's your thermometer?"  
  
"Don't have one."  
  
"Well, we should get you started on some ibuprofen in any case." Fraser straightened. "I assume they are in the usual place?"  
  
Ray curled up on his side, crossing his arms over his chest, shivering a little. "I'm out."  
  
"Ray, Ray, Ray," Fraser sighed, looking down at Ray with his mouth kinda crooked and his blue eyes kinda soft. And it must have been the fever because all of sudden, Ray felt all squishy inside, like...well, like a guy wasn't supposed to feel when he looked at his partner. Yeah, he definitely had a fever. Fucking raging.  
  
Fraser walked out of the room and returned with the cotton blanket that was usually on Ray's bed. "I'll make a quick trip to the drugstore and pick up some supplies."  
  
"You mean you don't have a little tin of musk ox urine and crushed elk bladder that can fix me up?"  
  
"Don't be silly, Ray. There is no cure for influenza."  
  
"Uh-uh. *That's* the silly part." Ray lay still as Fraser leaned over him, settling the blanket around his body. Their eyes met and Ray suddenly felt embarrassed and a little turned on. Or as turned on as you can be when you're dying.  
  
"Fraser, stop. You don't need to do this," Ray croaked, sounding like he had gravel in his vocal chords.   
  
"Nonsense. You would do the same for me if I were ill." Fraser tilted his head, his gaze teasing. "You would, wouldn't you?"  
  
Ray grinned, even though it hurt to do it. "Hell, no! I hate sick people."  
  
Fraser stood up, grinning back. "Ah. That's good to know. Well, I'm off to the drugstore. I'll be back in two shakes of a caribou's tail."   
  
"If you say so, Frase," Ray muttered as the door closed, pulling the blanket up under his chin and closing his eyes. He just wanted to be still for a minute. By the time Fraser got back, he'd be on his feet and ready to pitter-patter.   
  
"He loves you, you know."  
  
Ray opened his eyes but he was alone. It hurt too much to move so he called out. "Frase, that you?" he half-coughed and half-shouted.  
  
"No, it's me."  
  
What the fuck, Ray thought, wondering if his temperature had spiked. There was no one here, besides Dief, and despite what Fraser thought, there was n...  
  
Ray slowly turned his head on the sofa pillow and looked at the furball, close enough to touch, his bright eyes never leaving him. No. It wasn't possible. It was a dream.  
  
"It's not a dream."  
  
Dief barked and whuffed. He did. Ray saw it. But he didn't hear it. What Ray heard was a voice, a human voice, a real honest-to-goodness fucking voice. OUT OF THE DOG.  
  
"I'm a hybrid, Ray. Don't play dumb. We don't have time for games."  
  
Ray pulled himself up to rest on his elbows, staring at the HYBRID with sore, bugged-out eyes. "Dief?" he squawked out in his hoarse voice.  
  
"The one and only."  
  
With a groan, Ray lay down again, putting one forearm over his eyes. "Oh, God, I'm in the fucking Canadian Twilight Zone."  
  
"Very funny, Ray. But we have important matters to discuss before Ben gets back. And you know how prompt he is."  
  
"Look, I'm not strong enough for this right now. Once I'm back down to 98.6, I'll buy you a box of donuts and we'll have a sit-down, okay? Till then...ah, fuck, now I'm talking to him." Ray closed his eyes. Certifiable. He was certifiable.  
  
"You don't have to talk. Just listen. You and Ben have wasted enough time. He loves you. Now, what are you going to do about it?"  
  
Ray said nothing. So this is what it feels like to be delirious.  
  
"Well?"  
  
"I'm not listening to this."  
  
Ray suddenly felt two big paws pressing down on his chest and a rough tongue cut a swipe up the side of his face. With a curse, Ray pushed Dief off of him and glared.  
  
"Fine, I'll listen. Just don't do that again."  
  
Dief sat back again. "He loves you and I know you love him. So just tell him all ready and we can start being a family."  
  
Ray's head came off the pillow, his mouth falling open. "Are you unhinged, Dief? Fraser loves me?"  
  
"You don't believe me?"  
  
"I believe that Fraser loves me, in that all-life-is-precious kind of way that he loves everything and everybody. And you shouldn't be talking about him like that."  
  
"Like what, Ray? You aren't homophobic, are you?"  
  
"Hell, no, I'm not! But I'm not gay and neither is Fraser."  
  
"Are you sure about that?"  
  
Ray started to speak, but snapped his mouth shut again. No, he wasn't sure about Fraser. And he was even less sure about himself. At least, he was now. Because his feelings about Fraser were really, *really* not heterosexual in any way, shape or form. Straight guys didn't wonder what their buddy looked like naked, or what his skin tasted like, and that was something that Ray wondered about on a regular basis.  
  
"Is it really necessary to put a label on what you feel? Whether you're officially gay or not, you two love each other."  
  
Ray frowned at Dief and lay his head back down again. A chill went through him, but whether from the fever or from his feelings, he did not know. "How do you know this stuff? I never told you anything and I'll bet Fraser hasn't either."  
  
"Because I'm smart. I see everything that you two boneheads don't. The way Ben looks at you when you're driving. The way you smile at him when he goes off on one of his Inuit stories. The way you both can sit here on this stupid sofa for hours, not saying a word and be perfectly content."  
  
Ray closed his eyes and burrowed deeper beneath the blanket. His heart was aching now, too and he didn't think that ibuprofen was going to fix that. Nothing would, except for one thing and Ray didn't know if he could do that.  
  
"What are you afraid of, Ray?"  
  
"Besides being a gay cop in the US of A, you mean? How about getting my heart broken? Rejection? Unhappiness? Severe depression? Any of this making sense to you, Dief?"  
  
"Except for the gay part, wouldn't you risk experiencing those things if you were in a relationship with a woman? Isn't all love risky?"  
  
Ray shook his head with a smirk. "Christ, but you're a know-it-all wolf."  
  
"Ray, you and Ben belong together. Trust me on this."  
  
"Oh, you're psychic, too?"  
  
If it was possible, Dief gave Ray a superior smile. "I am many things, Ray, my friend."  
  
Another coughing jag interrupted their conversation...dear God, their conversation... and a little breathless, Ray looked at his new advisor with watery eyes. "You picked a great time to tell me, you realize that? You tell me Fraser loves me and I'm flat on my back, trying to cough up a lung."  
  
"I was tired of waiting on you. Or him, for that matter. I'm taking advantage of your weakened state to get the ball rolling. Speaking of which, would it hurt you to have a ball around here for me to play with while the two of you are watching yet another pitiful Chicago sports team on TV? A rubber bone. A frigging plastic mouse. Something."  
  
"Watch it, Dief. You know who feeds your junk food habit around here and it ain't Fraser."  
  
"He's coming up the stairs as we speak. What's it going to be, Ray? How long are you going to allow yourself to be lonely?"  
  
"Ray? Ray?"  
  
Ray blinked and squinted and roused enough to find Fraser on the edge of the sofa beside him.   
  
"Fraser? What...where's Dief?" he asked, struggling out of the blanket to sit up.  
  
Fraser's expression turned concerned. "He's right here, Ray. We had a very nice walk, didn't we, Diefenbaker?" From somewhere, Dief whuffed in agreement.  
  
"But...he...," Ray stammered. "He was here. I heard him..."  
  
"You must have been dreaming. He accompanied me to the drugstore. Don't you remember?"   
  
Ray felt a little dizzy. What had just happened? He could have sworn...  
  
Everything stopped when Ray felt the cool pressure of Fraser's palm on his forehead again. "You're very warm, Ray. We need to take your temperature..."  
  
Fraser started to rise but Ray caught his hand and pulled him down again. Fraser looked surprised for a second, but then, Ray was looking up into a smile he had never seen before. Like Fraser was expecting something, something he had been waiting for. Waiting for as long as Ray had.  
  
"Frase?"  
  
"Yes, Ray?" Fraser's voice. Deep and soothing. Fraser...   
  
"I would do the same for you." Ray could only manage a whisper but he'd never meant anything more strongly in his life. "That and a lot more. You know that, right?"  
  
Fraser's fingers tightened around his. "I never doubted it, Ray."  
  
It was a dream. It had to be. Because Ray didn't move his hand away. And neither did Fraser. 

  
 

* * *

End Had to Be by tx_tart 

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